Maybe it will be clearer...

I had never met anyone named Ita before Ita Ford.  In fact, I don't know if I can say that I ever actually met Ita  Ford but at some point in my life, her words, which are in fact older than I am, entered into my life. And as is the case with words, with them came herself and so, we met. We met and the words she had written in 1980 to her niece on her sixteenth birthday spoke directly to me.


Brooklyn is not passing through the drama of El Salvador, but some things hold true wherever one is, and at whatever age. What I'm saying is, I hope you come to find that which gives life a deep meaning for you...something worth living for, maybe even worth dying for...something that energizes you, enthuses you, enables you to keep moving ahead. I can't tell you what it might be -- that's for you to find, to choose, to love. I can just encourage you to start looking, and support you in the search. Maybe this sounds weird and off-the-wall, and maybe, no one else will talk to you like this, but then, too, I'm seeing and living things that others around you aren't...

I want to say to you: don't waste the gifts and opportunities you have to make yourself and other people happy... I hope this doesn't sound like some kind of a sermon because I don't mean it that way. Rather, it's something you learn here, and I want to share it with you. In fact, it's my birthday present to you. If it doesn't make sense right at this moment, keep this and read it sometime from now. Maybe it will be clearer...


Each year I re-read those words on the second of December, the anniversary of Ita Ford, Maura Clark, Jean Donovan, and Dorothy Kozol's deaths.  In a way it is kind of like a birthday present. Reading them is like seeing candles burning brightly in the midst of the darkness.  Each time I read, there is something else that strikes me;  there is a new understanding to what I thought I understood.  Like the candles of a cake that illuminate your face and bring the hope of a new year.  Maybe this year it will be clearer...

Wherever one is... 

whatever age...

find that which...energizes...enthuses...enables... 

don't waste the gifts you have to make yourself and other people happy...

Maybe this year it will be clearer...

In the same way, the four American church women martyred in El Salvador offer hope and light in the darkness.  Yet rather than candles in a cake, I wonder if their lives and witness aren't better suited to the candles of the Advent wreath. As one blogger put it, "In El Salvador, a country named for the savior, they lived an Advent life, waiting for Christ to arrive amidst grave suffering, injustice and violence."  


The thing that drove them was a deep love of Christ and that is what shines forth in who they were.  There is a reason that Ita, Maura, Jean, and Dorothy have not been forgotten... that their light has not been extinguished.  It is because they embodied the light of Christ that gave them life and like Advent their lives call us to a new awareness of the work that is being done in us and all around us.  Christ is being born. We wait for him and hope for the day when he will come.  That day is coming and that day is already here. Today. Right now.


I talked to a dear friend this week and we struck on this same sentiment.  We want to give birth to God today.  Christ's love is dwelling deep within us and we can only wait for it to spring forth.  Waiting is not what my heart wants to do.  I want to keep moving. I want it to spring forth. Why can't it just be?!?  But that's the thing, most of the time it can't and I can't make it.  I want to want. But all I can do is recognize that desire and the simple waiting such a want requires.


We don't wait because we want to, we wait because we have to. We wait because God is nurturing His love in us. Advent is a time of waiting and in this time we live our lives awaiting the God we are invited to meet every day.  Along the way we encounter those who are sure to show us God's grace and love. Some we will know by name, some not. Some we will encounter in person, others in their affect on those we meet. Wherever and whatever.  We wait with them and as the weeks wear on, the light within us will grow brighter.  In our expectant waiting, our desire grows and our hearts find newness in this hope-filled season.  Coming again into Advent in a spirit of waiting, hoping that as the light grows, maybe this year it (God's Love & Our Desires) will be clearer.

Artist: Lewis Williams, SFO